A Sight I Can Do Without

Or another entry in an occasional series where Rob over-reacts to an advertising hoarding…

Dear Gods, this is un-nerving. Who put the rodent in the leather jacket? I mean, look at that scrunched up muzzle. Those wittle feet in their tiny clompy bootkins.

But it’s the hungry look in those eyes that really freaks me out. Like it’s just spotted something tasty.

Clever little thing. It knows how this game works. Play it cute. Go doe-eyed. Wait for your prey’s defences to drop. Maybe it will come in to pet, to give you a skritchy-scratch behind the ears.

And then BANG. Go for the throat. Worry out the jugular with those sharp little claws. Bleed out your prey before it has a chance to think about what’s happened. Go for the eyes as it hits the deck. Chittering in triumph as you feed.

God, I hate hamsters.

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Writer. Film-maker. Cartoonist. Cook. Lover.

One thought on “A Sight I Can Do Without”

  1. OMG, is this what I think it is? A vicious, callous, completely uncalled for and zealous attack on the man who shall be forever second in my life (well, maybe third… posssibly fourth…. but definitely at least fifth), Teh Hamster.

    I know that a few (or many) may dismiss Hammond as a man with rodentesque features but they would be missing the inescapable and blatant point, which is, I think, that here is the motor man of the motor people. I almost have a motorbike because Richard has one. He may have fluffy hair but does that mean that he doth not have eyes? Does he not feel as you do?

    Just because Richard now hosts every programme on TV, that does not mean that we want (sorry, we don’t want) to see him on our screens at least three times a day (and not just on Dave and Dave DejaVu).

    Your article can only mean that you are not aware of the birthday of Richard ‘Indestructible’ Hammond (ask the mrs.), which has significant – indeed, cosmic – meaning for bloggers such as myself.

    I have no hoarding round me (possibly because no nuclear winter is imminent) but, if I did, I’d want Richard on it. Buying petrol never meant so much before Richard Hammond. I’m getting emotional, just thinking about it.

    What do you think of Jeremy Clarkson?

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