EXCUSES AND HALF TRUTHS

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 10

It feels like everywhere you turn, service providers are jamming AI into your crevices and expecting you to be happy about it. Grammarly were caught in shenanigans this week with the whole author mimicry clusterfukc — a move which led me to finally delete the preachy, unadventurous spell-checking app off my writing vectors.

Meanwhile WordPress.com has introduced machine learning into their hosted services—somewhat annoying as that’s how I get Excuses And Half Truths out to you every week. I’m happy to report that the agentic side is switched off by default. For me, and more crucially for you, that’s how it’ll stay. Anything you read here is handcrafted, the product of one slightly skew-whiff human mind. It may be a bit awkward, subject to weird swerves in tone and mood, but I like to think—to hope—the material herein is reflective of the fella what wrote it.

For honesty’s sake, I admit to poking around with some AI requests out of idle curiosity. I don’t want to come across as a knee-jerk reactionary who won’t use a car when a horse is available. Every single time I’ve pointed a task at ChatGPT or Gemini, the result has needed extensive rewrites and fact checks. Machine learning continues to add time and effort to my work. Why on earth would I embrace that?

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Disobedient Geometry — metafiction, multiverse and The Bride!

There is a moment towards the end of Maggie Gyllenhaal’s daring, divisive movie The Bride! which completely recontextualised everything I’d seen up to that point. Don’t get me wrong, I was enjoying the ride. The Bride! delights in wild swerves in tone and style, deliberately wrong-footing the audience at every turn. I’d expected that, so came in prepared.

Then Doctor Euphronious upended the whole darn hayride.

***SPOILERS AFTER THE FOLD. TREAD CAREFUL***

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 9

Things are starting to move. Gradually, blinking in the low watery sunlight like a couple of bears emerging from hibernation, C and I are returning to the world. She’s leading the vanguard in the grounds, pruning, clearing and tidying. I’m under starters orders to retask our home office/crafting room into something more fit for purpose. Which means I get to play with power tools and pointy potentially dangerous objects today. Wish me luck. The endgame is a room we can both use for our creative endeavours when C is not in there bringing in the big bucks.

Progress, of sorts, which has been a long time coming. I can’t wait to get started.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 8

Great news for all readers! I have finally got my sorry ass in gear and stuck some new writing up in place where you lucky sorts can read it. Poems For Monoliths is a novelette comprising six interlinked short stories which, when read as a whole, tell a tale of interconnection and communication between the most unlikely of characters. I’m quite proud of it, and hope you’ll enjoy. Usual rules apply—if you do like Poems, please drop me a review and some stars. It really does make a difference.

Thank you.

Poems For Monoliths

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 7

Busy old week for the religious calendar. Tuesday marked the Lunar New Year and Shrove Tuesday, better known to food fans as an excuse to hoover up all the duck pancakes they can. It was also the start of Ramadan, which meant those who observed had to wait until sundown to get their fix. Pancake day also presaged the first day of Lent, so on the whole it was a giddy mix of feast and fast.

Going back to the Lunar New Year, the advent of The Year Of The Fire Horse holds special significance for me. It’s the first time in 60 years that both my animal and elemental Chinese zodiac signs have aligned. Not that I’m observant of such things, but the conjunction feels somehow pleasing. Here’s a little overview of what I should be able to expect.

On fire!

And as a final note on a wild week, kudos to the patient folks in charge of Bedford Borough Council’s social media accounts. They really aren’t paid enough.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, whatever sign you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 6

Welcome, friends and lovers to this, the officially mandated Smoochy Kiss-Kiss Flower and Card Shop Appreciation Day with extra snuggies for the hospitality sector. It is your job, nay, your solemn duty to spend big on bouquets and choccies because otherwise you will make Cupid cry. And you don’t want that, do you? DO YOU?

At Swipe Towers we will be taking the inevitable introvert option, snagging a meal deal and finding something loud and gory to watch on a streaming service. For C and I, it is the one day of the year when we don’t need to be all Smoochy Kiss-Kiss. Although we probably will. Romance doesn’t take a day off in our house, hells no.

Lord, we must be annoying.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you Smoochy Kiss-Kiss, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 5

C and I rejoined our local library. It took five minutes, was all done online and feels like a sensible thing to do. I grew up in libraries, pretty much. They were where my love of SF and fantasy was kindled and fuelled, the need to read which has helped define my inner life given a sanctuary and launchpad. Reading will be getting a swanky new library this year as part of a big overhaul of our civic centre, so it felt like a good time to show a bit of support. Apps like Libby and CloudLibrary mean you can fill your boots with magazines and all the e-reading your little heart desires without even leaving the house. And all, let me stress, for free. Libraries are an essential public resource which deserve to be venerated, celebrated and above all, used. Snag yourself a card today. You’ll be glad you did.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 4

Apparently I have a doppelgänger. Two separate pals on two separate occasions have sworn, hand on heart, that they have seen a fella with not just my physical appearance but gait and stance striding around the mean streets of Reading. Who is this man? Does he have friends who tell him of the peculiar, haunted-looking stranger with his face scurrying about Dingtown? Are we destined to meet in the future? When we do, will that crack the surface of reality? Whoever you are, mysterious twin, if by some happenstance you come across this message, hit me up and we’ll have a beer together.

Please don’t be a teetotaler. That would be a version of me I wouldn’t want to meet.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, whoever you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 4 Chapter 3

I’m under both the clock and the gun a bit this week, so let’s jump straight into the serious business. Enjoy links on dangerous caramel, drone metal, skronky jazz and a Disney movie you really need to rewatch.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Pockets

Cover image by beasturnchen on Pixabay

I have a little ritual I have to enact before I leave the house. A simpler version of the old Catholic mnemonic — spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch. This one ensures I have the holy trinity of items on me, confirmed with three swift pats to the body. Phone, wallet, keys. Tap tap tap. There. Now I can unseal the airlock and venture into the world, knowing I have everything about my person I need to manage my affairs.

I can feel some of you rolling your eyes at this, and you’re absolutely right to do so. As I swan out of Swipe Towers, I am powered on my merry, oblivious way by a huge waft of male privilege. I can travel light and easy, unencumbered by bags or slings or totes. For I am a man, and I wear clothes with functioning pockets.