There’s been low-level chatter around Twitter this weekend regarding the lacklustre, corporate smug-fest that Glastonbury has mutated into.
In many ways, it’s fair comment. The headliners are dull pablum, the glampers are out in force. The whole thing needs shaking up. Glastonbury needs a new call to arms.
That call has gone out to Drummond and Cauty. Bring on The KLF to headline Glasto 2014. Give the festival the same treatment that they gave the Brits and the Turner Prize.
It’d be great! They’d play all the hits, maybe get Jessie J to do the Tammy Wynette bit. Encore with Doctorin’ The Tardis. Bring on a proper Dalek. Maybe they could blow up a suitcase with a million (fake) quid in it.
Yeah. Right. Let’s face it. The JAMMS rocking Worthy Farm is the worst idea since that incident in Jura that gave the K Foundation a permanent cash-flow problem.
Reasons? I have a few.
First up. Bringing The KLF to Glasto equates to an exercise in nostalgia. They’d be brought on not as pop-art provocateurs, but as that band that had those funny hits with Tammy Wynette. Its looking backwards – one thing that the JAMMS have never done.
Speaking of that. Resurrecting the KLF ignores the inconvenient fact that both Drummond and Cauty have their own projects. The 17 choral works and J Cauty & Sons copyright-tweaking cartoon art are valid and solid – why would they put them on hold for a bit of karaoke?
The timing is wrong. The K Foundation are under pledge to break their silence on the burning of the million quid in 2017. For a group as heavily under the influence of symbol and ritual, why would they break their silence three years early?
Of course, there are several hundred thousand reasons for appearing at Glasto. Doing it would be, at this point in the game, doing it for the money. And if there’s one
action these guys have always spurned – I mean demonstrably, against all reason and with no heed for the consequences – it’s doing it for the money. It would instantly lose The KLF their twisted, ungainly reputation and image. I’d argue that it invalidates everything the burning of a million quid has achieved artistically. The KLF were the one band that never played the game. To come back now, don the horns, do the shuck and jive? I can’t see the belligerent fuckers doing that in a million years. Honestly, can you?
Who knows, though? The one thing about the KLF is that they’ve never done what you expect. Maybe they could do it and twist the whole Glasto experience backwards. Even if it falls flat on its face, it would be something to watch. Personally, I can’t see it.
But goddam, it’d put the spooks up the complacent tossers in their Hunters and funny hats, wouldn’t it?
EXCUSES AND HALF TRUTHS 
Ur so cool, can I be in your gang and be miserable !