X minus 9 and the countdown is obviously running. Thanks to a lucky confabulation of holiday time and shift days off I have two working days left this year. This feels slightly strange but very nice. I’d become used to being last man in on Christmas Eve, switching the site to standby, wandering the rooms as the pervasive hum of machinery dwindles to silence. It was a clear indication of a state change, that Santa was on his way. I won’t miss it this year, though. Let someone else have the honour. I have mince pies and sherry to consume. Oh, and a spot of final shopping today for my sins. If you see a lanky discombobulated bloke wandering round Reading with a lost and slightly panicky look on his face—that’ll be me, looking for a clue for presents. Your sympathy is noted and welcome.
Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.
Rob is reading…
Harrison Scott Key’s Christmas On The Moon. Something this funny should not be this moving, or so full of implied violence. Give yourself half an hour as a bulwark against the insanity of the season and enjoy this.
Rob is watching…
The creation of the legend. You can tell these are early days. Ted is much crankier and lacks all of his homespun wisdom. But the seeds are sown here. And look, Coach Beard!
(The second one is the better of the two and worth the click-through).
https://youtu.be/iRqypM7jb5Y?si=bipVFunFgpMxQen6
Rob is listening…
You gotta love a Christmas mashup.
Rob is eating…
At Mowgli’s in Oxford, a birthday treat from TLC which hit all the right spots. You can’t go wrong with the tiffin boxes, a dealer’s choice of protein, carb and rice which only needs a puri on the side to fill you up nicely. Although the masala chip butty is also a thing of beauty. But then the Goan fish curry is moreish and delicious. And the Smoked Cardamom Old Fashioned slips down like a dream. Look, just go. It isn’t my beloved Clay’s but don’t take that as criticism. There’s a few Mowgli instances around and you will have a great time when you walk into any one of ‘em. Tell ‘em Rob sent ya.
Rob’s Low-Key Obsession Of The Week…
Doctor Hannah Fry. She’s so goofy and funny and full of energy and enthusiasm and the joy of science. And she is not against using Lego as an educational tool. She has a minifig doppelgänger, for heck’s sake. Her series The Hidden Genius Of Modern Life has just started a second series. Pick it up on the iPlayer.
Let’s start with a few writing tips and observations from author Eliot Peper, who passes on this hard-won knowledge from the only place which matters—the cruel working face of the word-mine. I’m taking a lot of these hints to heart. I can see they have not been gathered lightly.
As we hit peak X-time it’s more important than ever to exercise self-care. As an idiot who has caused himself a lot of damage over past seasons, I urge you to try to be good to yourselves.
A little more on the subject, from an oblique angle, provided by M. John Harrison. Sometimes all you need to do is listen to yourself, and you will tell you what needs to happen. Just pay attention to that nagging little voice in your head for a change.
Of course, sometimes bad habits will bubble up without you realising. I am guilty of raising my own turbooken. I just like having a little pile of reading matter by the bedside, ok? Sometimes you’re in the mood for a thriller, sometimes you want something more thought-provoking. Let’s just say the ‘Rob Is Reading’ diary entry at the top of the newsletter never tells the whole story.
As part of our continuing discussion around digital gardens and carefully-nurtured web-spaces, here’s one of Justin Jackson’s sites. A single use object of simple, calm beauty. It really spoke to me.
Cards on the table—I loved the Doctor Who anniversary special and am vibrating with excitement over the X-Day episode. Of course, there are plenty of haters out there who can’t cope with the concept of change in a show which has always been about infinite possibility. You have to wonder what show they think they’ve been watching because there’s plenty of evidence as to The Doctor’s polymorphous nature…
This amused me greatly. The illusion of tolerance and free speech in America falls apart pretty quickly under the faintest jab of applied scrutiny. Sadly, it seems like some thick-necked goon has taken matters into his meaty hands and wrecked the shrine. So much for liberty and freedom for all.
Pay attention to the next informational message and include the lessons learnt into your own self-care regime. Remember, you are the most important element in the work-life balance. Be the fulcrum, not the lever.
Last up, a long read on what Michael Stipe did next. The most unlikely rock star on the planet will always carve his own path, and I’m so happy to see him walking it with elegance and grace.
Huey Lewis Carried My Watermelon
While we have Michael in mind, let’s Outro with some R.E.M. Here is full audio from a Canadian gig in 1983 to support their third album Fables Of The Reconstruction. We find the boys in fighting-fit form. If you only know the band from Losing My Religion and after, you will find this a revelation. Before the Warner Bros. deal which made them one of the highest-paid musical acts on the planet R.E.M. were spiky, abrasive and eccentric to a fault, as this gig makes very clear.
See you in seven, true believers.
EXCUSES AND HALF TRUTHS 
Know exactly what you mean, it’s an effort to get the brain to work on presents to get when you don’t know what!
Here for your amusement is one of my Christmas poems…..
Tale of Christmas Wizards
They come at you out of the dark
miserly lit side streets of the city
the work of prentice electricians.
Flashing lights outlining balconies,
chimneys, walls and conservatories.
Trailing lights that swirl in the wind
luminescent Santa’s on sledges to small,
ice-blue windows set in forests of firs,
doors trimmed racing white flashing diamond.
More, the sequins above the green wreath
Spell “Happy Christmas Everyone”.
Surprised by this generosity, for a moment
I lose my cool, swerve and narrowly miss
the sight-seeing car in front.
Driving on with wobbly legs it occurs to me
that Rudolph dazzled by display
might ram the sledge right through the roof
his bits of flesh stuck everywhere
and Old Nick, or his stand in spoof
Carriage less reindeer, could be charged with affray,
illegal driving, uninsured, on Christmas Day.
This spell of electrical wizardry
this Son ‘et Lumiere is all very well,
it impresses the kids, but ruins the tyres
and makes driving in cities sheer hell.
Thank you, Tony!