The Swipe – Page 12 – EXCUSES AND HALF TRUTHS

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 10

There’s a vicious scrape on the back of my right hand. We bought a new aluminium growhouse for seeds and seedlings, which arrived last week. It’s very smart but of course, I have to put it together. Big boy Meccano. Fiddly but fun. Less so when you run the sharp edge of one of the struts across your paw while getting it out of its box. Not the best of starts.

Still, the gouge is healing nicely—recovery would be quicker if it wasn’t in a place where I can’t help but fiddle with it. And the growhouse is only half built. It’ll be worth it in the end. The best projects need a small injection of work, swearing and a smear of blood-sacrifice to the gods of construction.

Also, I look double-hard now.

In this chapter—ruminations on snacks and leftovers and more than the usual amount of whinging about getting old.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 9

I am the worst haggler in the world. The traders in the Moroccan souks would have a field day with me. A lamb amongst lions. So when I was forced by the threat of a big rate hike to call my broadband supplier and negotiate a better deal, panic was my default setting. Hate phones. Hate haggling. What could go right?

People, with the upcoming bill-bump coming in April, now is the time to give your supplier a ring. If Virgin were anything to go by, they want you to call. Hell, while I was on hold they were already offering discounts. Twenty minutes of idle chat and no pressure cut my bills by 25% for the year. I’d feel proud if I didn’t honestly believe I had nothing to do with it but pick up the phone.

There’s probably a lesson here about embracing your fear and doing it anyway, but it would be crass and trite of me to do anything so obvious. I’ll take the smug points for making a positive contribution to the household budget, though.

This week: tots! Getting your tweak off! And let’s all enjoy the life and times of Big Larry.

Featured image via Dominic Wade.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 8

There’s something about this time of year which makes you want to just—get past it. If the only events to look forward to are Valentine’s Day and an excuse to have pancakes for tea, we could be excused for hibernating until National Peanut Butter Lover’s Day*. But there are quiet pleasures to be had. We planted a load of bulbs in our front border in the autumn, and now they’re poking their questing noses above ground sniffing for fresh air. Days are slowly lengthening, there are buds on the trees. I bought a few packets of seeds at the weekend for early planting. Cucumbers, radishes, might even see about some tomatoes. I can feel the motor of the world starting to run again.

In this chapter, which promises to be much less angry than last week—the crossroads, the dance, and the house which is a computer. Oh, and tea, because there’s always time for tea.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Featured image is part of the collection of concept art for Disney’s Robin Hood, by Ken Anderson. More here.

* 1st March.

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 7

I had an invite this week to a potential college reunion, which has led to all sorts of conflicted ruminations. There are some friends from the course I’d like to see again, and others who I’ve unwittingly collaborated with professionally. The strangest thing is, folks are popping up on the inevitable WhatsApp group whose names and faces I honestly don’t recognise. That’s what 35 years will do for you, I guess. Images of Gross Pointe Blank are swimming around my head. Can you—should you—ever go back?

Food for thought while we consider the business of the day. In this chapter: Bond! Miyazaki! Buzz Aldrin! And an Outro which may (at the time of writing) not feature a major musical figure who’s died!

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 6

Valentine’s Day is looming, which for the sensible romantic means one thing–finding the best supermarket meal deal (preferably complete with wine) so you and your beloved can settle in for a quiet evening, shunning the scrum of amateurs who feel they have to be performative about a date night. If you’re a Co-op member there are some cracking choices for sixteen quid, I hear.

But before I don the silk undies and grip a rose between my teeth, there is the matter of this week’s Swipe to offload. For you, because I love you, enjoy some unusual architecture, The Books That Belong On The Shelf With No Name and some thoughts on happiness.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 4

Very excited. Today I’ll be spending the afternoon at Tutu’s Ethiopian Table in Palmer Park, Reading with my writing group pals, celebrating the launch of our latest anthology. The Three Bs takes as a theme the three industries which made Reading famous—beer, bulbs and biscuits. (There’s a Fourth B which also gets a mention). We’re very proud of the book, hence the meetup. There will be readings, cake and good times abundant. Late notice, I know, but if you can make it down to the park between 2 and 4 you’d be very welcome.

You can check The Three Bs out as an ebook or paperback here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09TZ6F3F5

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 2

Look! A logo! I must be taking the rebrand seriously. I’ll be monetizing the joint next. HI GUYS LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE etc etc. Launching next week—Swipe Blue. A nominal extra charge gets you undefinable ‘benefits’ and the nagging feeling you’re the victim of a big fat con. Kidding. We will always be free at the point of use. I do this for the love of links.

On the subject of which… this week I offer booze, wrestling and cyberpunk’s ground zero. You’re welcome.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 1

New year, new start. If you’re expecting the usual Saturday hit of The Cut—well, things have changed a bit. The Excuses And Half Truths newsletter is now The Swipe, a more personal take on the week. It’s an incremental shift rather than a complete restart, but I hope you like the tweaks.

You still get your links. You still get your song. You also get an overview of what I’ve been enjoying this week. I’ll try to keep it positive. Recommendations rather than warnings. You don’t need me grumbling at you while you’re easing into the weekend.

Lots to see and do. Let’s get it started.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.