Halloween Humbug

I’m with the ghosties and ghoulies and two-headed beasties and things that go bump in the night when it comes to Halloween. They stay out of the way every October 31st to let the foolish mortals muck around with pumpkins and sexy witch outfits.

I’m sure it’s just that I find any kind of commercially-driven mass hysteria (assorted parent’s days, any number of quasi-religious holidays, royal weddings etc) deeply tiresome, but for some reason Halloween really grinds my gears. The prospect of having to buy Haribo and then give it away to a bunch of kids in sheets or cheap masks seems to be against nature to me. Somehow, I feel that my passions are devalued. It’s like a ghost dies every time a trick-or-treater eggs a house.

The element of coercion involved also honks me off. If I don’t give you sugar you’ll vandalise my gaff? How intriguing. First up, Fat Casper, the last thing you need is more sweeties. Second of all, give me a minute while I switch on the hose.

That being said, our road, despite it’s name, is generally quiet on All Hallow’s Eve. Maybe the cemetery at the end has something to do with it. It’s nothing to do with the road being creepy. I think it has more to do with respect. After all, let’s face it, Halloween is not the most dignified of festivities. I refer you back to the sexy pumpkin.

Did I say sexy? I meant, erm...

In fact, Halloween seems to be the one time of the year when I really go off the idea of horror. It never lasts, and by the first of November I’m back to my happy evil self again. And as I’m not doing Nanowrimo this year, I can really concentrate on getting some scary stuff written. Kinda looking forward to that.

However, if you really must do something scary tomorrow, can I recommend the brilliant Trick ‘R’ Treat, a seriously under-rated gem of an anthology horror? It’s available to stream from Lovefilm, and I can’t think of a better movie for the season.

I, meanwhile, will be keeping a low profile. Go ahead, amateurs, have your fun. On Tusday, the professionals get back to doing what we do best.

No, I meant BOO, not… oh, never mind.


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Writer. Film-maker. Cartoonist. Cook. Lover.

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