Well, it’s not like we weren’t warned.
As our life slides to a gently liquifiying halt thanks to the red temperature alert (including conferences both pro- and anti-net zero, because the sun doesn’t care about your petty human concerns), let’s find some amusement and pleasure in our newly-found status as a Mediterranean country. I’m advocating for siestas, amaro hour and a general shrug of the shoulders at the laughable idea of doing any work in the face of all this. When asked to drag your asses to your desks simply point at the pitiless blue sky and say ‘bof, c’est impossible.’ Them continental types had it right all along. We just weren’t built for these times.
We must adjust, adapt, reset but with a wary eye to the inevitable urge for humanity to exploit any emergency for the sake of money or clout. A lot of the safety and stay-cool advice out there is, unsurprisingly for ideas gleaned from the internet, tosh. Even the saintly Hannah Fry’s fluid dynamics lesson for dropping the temperature of the inside of your car down quickly doesn’t really work, I’m sorry to report. Yes, I was that numpty flapping his car door about in a car park on Tuesday.
The only advice that works is the obvious stuff—stay hydrated and out of the sun. In other words, be more goth. Draw the curtains, crank up The Cure or The Lost Boys and dream of Halloween. You know it makes sense.
Thoughts and prayers for those of you who don’t have a choice and have to work in this heat. You are the heroes we don’t deserve. Have a drink on me.
Also—it’s forecast to be rainy and damp on Sunday, apparently. That’ll bring the climate change deniers back out of their caves. At least until the next red alert.
Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.
Rob is reading…
Midnight Chicken by Ella Risbridger. One of those books that’s as much autobiography as cooking guide. So, if you get irritated by preambles or stories before a recipe, this one ain’t for you. If you like good writing, a little tug at the heartstrings and some top-tier scran, please give it a try. The titular chook is a winner, and Ella starts strongly with a cracking recipe for Staffordshire Oatcakes. I’m a great believer in illustrations rather than pictures in cookbooks too. You know your plate won’t look anything like the aggressively-styled photos you see in most of the big colourful volumes on sale, so a nice pen-and-ink sketch gives you the idea without the performance anxiety. Essence instead of evidence. Elisa Cunningham nails the drawings in my edition (2020, Bloomsbury).
Oh, fair warning—brace yourself for the Afterword and Acknowledgements. You don’t often get a cookbook ending like that.
Rob is watching…
A Chorus Line. The 1985 version directed by Richard Attenborough. It doesn’t have the intensity of the stage show but makes a fair fist of the story. Looks good,great songs, natch, and if nothing else the bravura final number which just builds and builds then builds some more.
Zach, though. What an utter dictatorial monster.
Rob is listening…
to 7 hours of electronic music made by women
Innovators, inventors, rule-breakers, boundary-shakers. You don’t need another old white bloke banging on about this. Go get some, turn it up. It seems to suit the weather, somehow.
Rob is eating…
Well, OK, I wish I was. This sounds like an excellent way to spend a warm summer evening. A beer, a snack, move on, repeat. Kanpai!
Rob’s Low-Key Obsession Of The Week…
If only our cultural shorthand for how hackers dress and behave came out of Iain’s Softley’s proto-cyberpunk classic and less like the sad, bloated, fish-pale reality. You can wear leopard-print and fishnet t-shirts at the keyboard! Throw out those Sun Microsystems tees with the holes in and express yourselves, nerds!
A long piece on Esperanto, still the most serious attempt at generating an easy-to-learn universal language. For those of you shouting that English is the default;
a) amongst folks who have it as a first-use language, Mandarin Chinese wins out;
b) I said easy to learn.
Addictive daydreams. Or as I like to call it, the place where a lot of my writing gets done.
Ok, that’s reductive, belittling and unfair. It’s incredible that the human mind can develop recursive loops, and generate fantasy worlds with such un-nerving ease. I worry about the way my mind works sometimes, and I have nothing remotely resembling this sort of problem.
A brilliant resource of photos and graphics from the sixties and early seventies. No mention of copyright, so I’d be a little cautious of using this stuff too freely in your own project, but it’s great inspo and reference material.
This is an era which seems strangely distant now, although I was growing up through it. Yes, there’s photographic evidence. No, you can’t see any.
Oh, this made me chuckle. The best bit is the sad,bewildered look on the instructor’s face as his sick moves are effortlessly turned against him.
You may or may not agree with the argument in the next piece. I happen to think it makes a lot of sense, but that’s my opinion. It’s a bit sad I have to caveat so heavily, but I guess this is the world we’re building. It’s never too late to change the plans and make something that works for everybody, though.
Another one from the writer above, Charlie Jane Anders, on a less contentious subject. Gen Z, assemble. This is nostalgic catnip.
Everything you ever wanted to know about Mork & Mindy
There’s a new campaign, headed by Tom Kerridge, urging the government to drop VAT rates on hospitality. Some nay-sayers are nay-saying it’ll just end up giving tax breaks to the big players, but that argument ignores the simple truth—pubs and restaurants are dying on their arses out there.
Much as I hate to press the issue, it really is tough out there, and the government could do more to help.
For me, the one interesting thing about the ball-kicking thing happening across the Atlantic is the behaviour of the fan communities, who are expressing joy, humour and spirit in an utterly delightful fashion. C is in love with The Tartan Army. I don’t get football, but this I understand completely.
If you walk into a coffee shop and spot one of these bad boys, you know you’re in for a decent cup of java. This is technology directed into making one of life’s simple pleasures a more easily achieved goal. We’d have one at home if we could afford it, but the deLonghi we call Buzz does the job pretty well.
I believe you could use this as an excellent password generator. I think it works best as a pick-a-number distraction, with a prize for the name that makes people laugh the loudest—or describes them best!
The Hundred Greatest Bird Names
Happy 74th birthday to Tim Finn, brother to Neil, founder member of Split Enz, an under-appreciated songwriter of true elegance and grace. Let’s Outro with his 1993 track Persuasion, which is a perfect summer’s day vibe.
See you in seven, fellow travellers. Drink some water.
EXCUSES AND HALF TRUTHS 