The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 8

Lots to see and do this week, so let’s crack on. C and I are away for a few days for to celebrate her birthing-time anniversary (they should really come up with a better term for that) so I honestly have no idea what foolishness you’ll get in the next chapter. I’ll try to resist a gardening update but so much is growing right now, youse guys.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

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The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 7

The Ides Of March are upon us. Death to all tyrants! Rise, citizens, like the flood of Biblical times, and wash away the corruption spreading over our land. Let those who think themselves untouchable understand, at the last, that true power comes from unity of the righteous against oppression!

Also this week: owls, gherkins and a sufficiency of prog.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

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The Hopeful Month

You have to take the bright moments when you can find them. It has been an especially dark start to 2025, and I for one am ready for a dose of sunshine.

Warmth, though, that’s still a big ask. Even though the skies have cleared to a shining, sapphire blue, it’s still scrape-the-windshield weather in the morning. I have never been happier to embrace one of car technology’s greatest innovations— heated front seats. One button push and a toasty tush is yours in a minute flat. After twelve years of shivering while the old Note’s AC coughed out lukewarm air on a frosty morning, Harvette’s little trick on the morning commute feels like sorcery.

That half-hour drive into work has its own quiet magic now I’m on the road at sunrise. The bridge at Sonning, cloaked in mist from the Thames, has an otherworldly feel. The treeline flattens into two-dimensional planes, hovering like ghost-giants in the soft luminescence. Crossing the bridge feels like slipping into another realm, a place of fog and mystery.

As I hit the M4 the light changes again. The horizon is washed in rose gold, peach and tangerine, while the sky brightens to the clean denim blue of a country singer’s jeans. There’s still a diffusion to the light. The morning traffic is haloed, glimmering, sparks striking the chrome. In another week or so the sun will be in my eyeline, and I’ll need to wear shades to get into work.

TLC and I have been spending every weekend in the garden, making the most of the lighter days to get some heavy lifting done. This is the latest episode in our ongoing struggle with the bottom section of our property, Copse End. Over the years it has been home to raised beds, a lawn and summerhouse, and always, always the unstoppable infiltration on three sides from ivy, bramble, nettles and bindweed. In the summer of 2020 the situation reached a low point, as the spiny invaders almost took over. I spent a lot of lockdown in pitched battle with Copse End, a bruising, slashing conflict which helped take my mind off other more pressing issues, even if it did leave thorn-scars behind.

Anyhow. Copse End Mk. 3 is a complete restart. Last November we had the ground rotorvated, tearing up the last of the lawn and long-standing weeds. The ensuing swamp overwintered under cardboard and plastic while TLC made drawings and began to portion out the ground plan. We’re opening up the whole area, moving away from the notion of a two-thirds split down the long runway of the garden, revealing the full 130m airstrip right down to Gwen’s Den, the huge pergola that marks the far boundary of our property.

It’s hard work, don’t get me wrong. We didn’t need to waste money on a gym membership in January—swinging a lump hammer and digging up heavy clay soil is all the exercise we need, thank you very much. It feels like a very long haul, and at times, aching and frozen, we fervently wished we’d left well alone.

But no. Copse End is where the sun lands in the afternoon. It’s where we want to be come 5pm on a weekday evening, soaking up rays alongside a well-deserved glass of boozy. It’s where we want to eat as the sun hits the tree line, with the smoky tang of barbecue drifting up from the kamado. It’s our escape plan, our refuge. In Copse End, you hear nothing but birdsong and the drone of an occasional plane. Traffic noise is over there somewhere, out of earshot. If we put the work in now, the rewards come June could be magnificent.

Filling C’s planned beds with plants is going to be a big job too, and could prove expensive, so we’re indulging with another of the gardener’s winter pleasures—getting seed trays on the go. The window sills are crowded with propagators, dewy with condensation, warm beds for our new potential haul. I’ve started thinking about veg as well—there is a raised bed planned for me to grow squashes, chard and fennel. I have a couple of types of cucumber under glass, and garlic is already poking out questing green shoots from the buckets I split two heads into a couple of weeks back. There will be tomatoes and chilis too, herbs by the armful, and salad for days. I may not be the gardener that C has become, but I have my moments.

Sure, we spend our weekend evenings in a woozed-out blur as the endorphins of exercise wear off and our joints and muscles noisily remind us we are in our fifties. Ordinarily, any reminder of my mortality would give me a bad case of sads. But we pack away the tools at the end of the day with a glow.  Every week we’re a little further along, a little closer to the goal. There’s no real deadline as such—after all, a garden is never finished. But that’s part of the fun of it. We do this because we choose to, because it’s good for us to put in the work (mostly) by ourselves. Because come the summer we will have a place of peace and comfort carved out of cold earth and old stone and warm seedlings.

I can’t think of anything more hopeful than that.

The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 6

One of those weeks where celebrity deaths come in threes. Questions are beginning to be raised as to the suspicious ends of Gene Hackman, his wife and dog, while Roberta Flack’s onward transition was met with universal sadness and the inevitable BBC4 documentary. Meanwhile the Oscars staff are no doubt scrambling to update their In Memorium section before tomorrow.

For me, though, the passing of Henry Kelly hit hardest. I was interviewed by him for BBC Berkshire back when I was collaborating on zombie anthologies—the newsworthy connection came from my pal Rob generating a preparedness plan should Z-Day hit Reading. Henry was slightly baffled by the whole thing but charming and funny throughout. As a fan of Going For Gold when I was a student, it was a wildly weird but entirely cool moment for me to chat to him about prepping The Oracle against an incursion from the living dead.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

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The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 5

I keep coming back to this Bon Appetit clip featuring the boss of Una Pizza in New York, Anthony Mangieri. His process, his insistence on ferocious control of ingredients and technique when it comes to a meal of very humble origins fascinate me. Seriously, dude, get another dough chef on the line.

Pizza is turning into a bit of an obsession, with it landing for dinner in our house more and more regularly. Specifically, a seafood pizza, which seems to be tricky to get if you go out. Tuna, prawns and mussels is a favourite. It’s all about the dough, though, and I’ve been playing around. Nothing like Anthony’s careful tweaks with different flours and hydration ratios. I use the pizza setting on my 30-year old Panasonic bread maker to make a simple dough with type-00 flour, and let it sit in the fridge overnight. That slow ferment means it comes out lively, bubbly and flavoursome, ready to blast in a hot oven under cheese and a homemade tomato sauce (more below). It’s a good way to decompress and eat something good on a Friday night.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Featured image by Dominic Wade.

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The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 4

The first great retail opportunity since X-Day has landed, and on a Friday too, so let’s make a weekend of it. I treated us to an excellent meal deal from M&S which included coquille St. Jacques, prawn and salmon on croute with smashed basil potatoes and chocolate and caramel pots alongside a rather nice bottle of Italian rosé for £25 quid. Plenty of folks are hopefully out helping restaurants and card shops stay afloat over the next couple of days. C and I, as you know are quiet and retiring types. Not for us the crush and hustle of V-Day dining. Like the saintly George said, it’s cold out there but it’s warm in bed. Hope you get a chance to put a little love in your life, even if it’s just honouring yourself with a little treat.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

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The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 3

We got through it, Readership. The first 57 days of January 2025 are finally over and we can get ourselves in shape for the challenges of the next four years. Were you dry? Did you vegan? Is there an untouched gym membership somewhere in your everyday carry, which will glare accusingly at you until you finally give up on it sometime in June? I did none of those things—in fact you could describe my January activity as barely there. However, I have been busy in my head, thinking, mapping, planning. The dark days of January are perfect for preparatory actions, readying for the swing of the season, waiting for the times when I will be woken by the sunrise rather than the buzz of an alarm. Tananarive Due has some advice for these pre-spring days, which resonated with me for all sorts of reasons.

There Is Work To Do

Featured image from Jeremy Deller. More here.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

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An Excuse and a bit of drama

This week has rinsed me out more than I thought. The Day Job has challenged my patience to extremes. House Beast Millie developed a case of conjunctivitis, which had us running around to vets and organising weekend cover to get someone in to give her eyedrops. Have you ever given a cat eyedrops? It’s dramatic and potentially scarring.

Meanwhile, a side effect of trying to stay away from the news this week means I have a paucity of links for to Swipe at you. Therefore, I offer apologies and a little something from the archives.

2025 marks the tenth birthday of an audio drama that pal Clive and I put out when we were podcasting regularly (links to both the Speakeasy and the A-Z OF SFF are in the sidebar if you want to explore a bit), an attempt to expand the remit and try something different.

For reasons lost in the mists of time we decided to make an episode of a fictional 1930s horse opera—a cowboy comic in audible form featuring a whip-bearing protector of the plains and his Native American sidekick. We corralled a few friends and performed a script what I had wrote, then wrangled it into crude shape in GarageBand.

It’s not the most polished bit of radio you’ll ever hear. Performances veer from barely there to scenery-chewing, the mix is a bit weird and let’s be honest, our enthusiasm for recreating the spirit of the times makes it a bit tin-eared towards the sensitivities of the present day. Approach with caution if you’re easily offended.

However. It was a thing that we spent time, love and energy on and I’m still pretty fond of Whip Crackaway, janky edits, wobbly sound levels and all. It was fun to make and features a wonderful moment where due to casting constraints forcing us to double up on some roles, Clive was forced to flirt with himself.

So settle in, pour a glass of something warming, light up a Caversham and let the Speakeasy Players perform for you.

The Adventures Of Whip Crackaway And Honcho The Indian Boy

See you next Saturday, cowpokes.

The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 2

I shouldn’t be focussing on the fall from grace of a certain British fantasy writer given the events looming this coming Monday in Washington, but hey, any distraction from the imminent end of all things is welcome.

The report in this week’s New York magazine on his alleged coercive and abusive behaviour is, of course, pretty bloody horrible—I couldn’t finish the article. The inevitable half-hearted mea culpa and denial has been issued from the Tower Of Dreams, to general eye-rolling and declarations of boycotts.

However things happened, and even if events didn’t roll out as reported (gentle reminder to all that at Excuses And Half Truths we always believe the women), the writer in question has suffered pretty irreparable reputational damage. I’m sure His Nibs will take this whole things as a fine excuse to comfortably retire, crying himself to sleep on a mattress stuffed with cash.

But why should we be bothered? Artists have always been notoriously revolting. I don’t recall seeing the cancel notice on Lord Byron getting much traction, despite the crap he put his lovers through. Ted Hughes was a fucking monster. Francis Bacon? Don’t get me started. I believe in separating the art from the artist, but then I don’t have Sandman-themed sleeve tattoos that probably look a bit silly now.

As Annie Craton put it on Bluesky this week—

In further evidence of his utter arseholery, it seems that yer man lifted a lot of the inspiration for his best-known work from fellow British author Tanith Lee, as pointed out on Threads:

Look, it’s your call. Base your response to this whole sordid affair on which elements of reportage you choose to believe. If you feel you can’t read his books anymore, that’s completely fine. I’d offer a caveat—his comics are collaborative works, the product of hard graft from a cohort of incredibly talented people. And that universe continues, guided by other equally gifted writers who don’t deserve to be caught in the blowback.

In conclusion—read more Tanith Lee.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

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The Swipe Volume 3 Chapter 1

Here we are now. Welcome to Volume 3 of The Swipe, which to celebrate the new year features absolutely no changes to format, style or content. However, this first chapter is a bumper offering, as we always believe in value for money. Even more so as the sticker price on your Saturday Soaraway Swipe is bupkiss, nix, nada and niente. You lucky punters.

Before we get into it, I wanted to share Jason Chatfield’s take on the way cartoons serve as an early warning alert for incoming censorious regimes. Start with the funnies and see if anyone notices.

in an unrelated update, I have cancelled my Washington Post subscription.

Silencing The Court Jesters

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

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