EXCUSES AND HALF TRUTHS

TLC and I have had a tumultuous few weeks, as moments we’ve been planning over decades quietly happen, slip past and vanish into the rear view mirror, to be replaced by more pressing concerns. Neither of us are great with stress management and, although what we’ve put ourselves through is the very definition of first-world problems, the sleepless nights and tightness in the gut have been all too real. I think we crossed a rubicon yesterday, and hopefully the second quarter of the year should leave us less strung out. One thing we’ve learnt—don’t assume passing a milestone will have a reward attached. The milestone is the reward, and if it feels a little less special than it should—be grateful for what you’ve managed to achieve.

Boy, that’s all cryptic. More to come on the events of 2024 so far, if only because I need to unpack it.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 13

In a perfect definition of the universe giving with one hand and taking from the other, the last payment on The Big Loan went out at the same time as an escalation of domestic horrors, culminating in a four-figure bill to address the sort of plumbing issues you get when you live in a near-hundred-year old house. Cosmic checks and balances in place clearly, because gods know it wouldn’t do to become smug about the improved financial situation.

In other news, we watched some Australian Rules Football, ate at a two-Michelin starred pub and bought some adult Lego and a car. No, not a Lego car. Yes, it’s been a birthday week.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 12

A busy week as TLC and I manoeuvre into position for The Big Change. I won’t bore you with the details—yet. For now, enjoy a short sharp shock of Shwipe—er, Swipe. Extreme comics geekery, cookbooks for the people and Klingon Scrabble. Let’s get it on!

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 11

Strange days. Personally, TLC and I are on the verge of a big positive shift in our financial affairs. Something we’ve been working towards for a very long time. Professionally, the next few months look to be enormously challenging with the potential for good things down the line. If things go as hoped. You know what they say about best laid plans. Hey, I’m staying positive. How ever the situation resolves, the next couple of weeks promise to be interesting—hopefully not in the old Chinese curse kind of way. Spring is definitely the season of change for us, anyway.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 10

It’s the hope that gets you. I’ve long been a fan of The Hairy Bikers—affable, charming, sometimes surreally witty TV chefs. Their shows are the sort of thing that putter along in the background when you’re sorting dinner, only to draw you in, sit you down and get you making a note of a recipe when you should be paying attention to the kitchen. They’ve both had their health scares, so when Dave Myers returned to telly with a new show after a bout with cancer, it felt like a happy ending.

Sadly, no. The news of Dave’s death on Wednesday night came as a shock to many of his fans (myself included) and casts this final series in a different light. A last hurrah rather than a new beginning. He has ridden into the west now, to use the Tolkeinian phrase. I wish Dave a happy journey, and respectfully dedicate this chapter of The Swipe to him. May we all have the life he found for himself, doing the thing he loved with his best mate. He was a focus of so much love, joy and good food.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 9

Leap years are weird. I’ve never understood the reason. Sure, I could Google it, but I honestly prefer (for once) to stay uninformed. It means you can make stuff up and have a bit of fun with the whole ridiculous situation. There’s plenty of myth and lore associated with the 29th of February, a lot of it inverting tradition. Personally, I think it should be a holiday, a chance for us all to take a leap away from the normal, do something we wouldn’t normally do. Step out of the calendar for 24 hours and perceive time from the outside.

If you’re a leap year baby, happy birthday for Thursday! I hope you get four years worth of treats and love. You deserve it, you curious time travellers.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 8

When it comes to Shrove Tuesday versus Ash Wednesday, you better believe I’m all about the pancakes. Straight no chaser classic 321 recipe (300g flour, 2 eggs, 100ml milk) but make sure you let it sit for an hour or so. Let your batter become the batter it always knew it could be. Melt a little butter in a thin wide pan, pour in your batter a ladleful at a time. A minute each way, flip as soon as the visible side looks dry. Use a spatula to turn it, for heaven’s sake, we’re grownups here, no one wants a pancake hat. That first slightly shonky one? Trust me, it’ll taste great. Chef’s treat. Just lemon and sugar on top, thanks, but go heavy.

Every other time in the year I make pancakes (and I make them a lot) it’s all about the puff-up from baking powder, the tang of yoghurt playing against bacon and maple syrup. If I’m feeling super-fancy, a few thin chipolatas. If I’m feeling healthy, a compote from one of them freezer bags of fruit. But on February 13th, I keep it old school.

And you know, as an expression of love pancakes served on a nice plate to your baby kicks flowers and chocs into the long grass. Well, that’s what TLC says, and I believe everything she tells me.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 7

Happy St. Scholastica Day! Let us never forget, the smallest actions can have the largest of consequences—in this case a row over the quality of the wine in an Oxford tavern led to three days of rioting, dozens dead and, eventually, the overweight influence we see of the university over the town. you never know where a sour goblet of sack could take you.

This week, Taylor, mascots and kids on keyboards. Who knows where we’ll be by the end of it all?

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 6

This chapter of The Swipe is dedicated to Christine Wickings, 80 years young yesterday. So much of what I am and do and how I act is thanks to her. If you hear a strange electrical crackle and low thrum of energy coming from the east, that will be Clan Wicko gathering in Essex to celebrate our matriarch, our queen. We know how to party hearty. Blessings be upon my lovely mum.

This week: fake beer, funny birds and sexy Star Trek. Let’s make it so!

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 5