EXCUSES AND HALF TRUTHS

Soggy New Year! 2024 has begun with All The Weather, storms rolling across Britain in a violent attempt to scour humanity off the land. My daily commute through the picturesque Thameside village of Sonning has tested the car’s amphibious capability to the limit. Your thoughts and prayers please for Sonning resident George Clooney, whose £12m mansion has several new unexpected swimming pools. Snow next week, apparently. Say what you like about climate change, it keeps things interesting. It gives TLC and I another excuse to hunker down and work on the huge backlog of snacks and treats left over from Christmas. Another slice of pannetone? Don’t mind if I do!

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to the 2024 volume of The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 2 Chapter 1

It’s coming. You can smell it, all clove and cinnamon, goose fat and sage, pine and wood smoke. You can see it in every string of lights draped across house fronts, in the reflections of trimmed trees in shop windows. You can hear it, in the way tunes are made seasonal with the addition of sleigh bell samples, in the groan when an unsuspecting victim gets Whamageddoned (my Waterloo was early this year as a rickshaw span past blaring the song while we were looking at the deccoes in the fashion district round Bond and South Molton Streets—a literal drive-by).

However the season hits you, I hope it’s gentle and easy and warm and sweet. Something a little different next week, as I issue an Annual Report, which will include a couple of short stories from me to ease you through Betwixtmas. I always bang on about being a writer. Here comes the proof.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 44

X minus 9 and the countdown is obviously running. Thanks to a lucky confabulation of holiday time and shift days off I have two working days left this year. This feels slightly strange but very nice. I’d become used to being last man in on Christmas Eve, switching the site to standby, wandering the rooms as the pervasive hum of machinery dwindles to silence. It was a clear indication of a state change, that Santa was on his way. I won’t miss it this year, though. Let someone else have the honour. I have mince pies and sherry to consume. Oh, and a spot of final shopping today for my sins. If you see a lanky discombobulated bloke wandering round Reading with a lost and slightly panicky look on his face—that’ll be me, looking for a clue for presents. Your sympathy is noted and welcome.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 43

X-Day prep is in full swing. The tree is up—TLC’s carefully curated collection of baubles and eclectic hangers give it pop and interest. We were delighted to finally snag a ‘Harold With An Arrow In His Eye’ from Reading Museum, which has pride of place alongside the yellow submarine, astronaut and beach hut. If someone can explain the significance of mushrooms to the X-Day celebrations I’d be grateful, because they seem to have been everywhere over the last couple of years. Yes, we have a fine example.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 42

December? Holy crap, it’s December! I suppose this is what happens when you spend a month indulging in self-absorbed literary activity, head buried up one’s own fundament. So, yes, Nanowrimo is over. I did not hit my goal, but I am relaxed about it and am continuing to work. Should have a first draft finished before X-Day (nothing to do with The Incompetant Landlord who does not, contrary to whatever addled notion bumbles through his flabby brain meat, own copyright on a letter of the bloody alphabet) so yay, go me.

Meanwhile the weather has closed in like an icy vise around us and once again I wonder why we don’t just make like bears and hibernate until the spring equinox. It would certainly make a good excuse to get some writing done.

Anyway. Running a bit short again this week, but hopefully there’s enough here to keep you entertained through the weekend. Stay warm, keep safe, have a mulled cider. You know it makes sense.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 41

We’re coming up on the last week of Nanowrimo. Normally I’d be scrambling to hit wordcount, every day more of an effort. This year, I’m much more relaxed about the whole thing. I’m not even sure I’ll hit my self-imposed goal. What that means is I’ll probably continue writing into December, which is unusual for me. Rather than hitting the 50K and stopping, with the intention of taking a break into Christmas and picking up in the New Year, I’ll just gently carry on, letting the soft tide of the story carry me on. It seems like a more sensible, more sustainable way of completing a first draft, and one that won’t stress me the hell out.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 40

Hello from Whitstable, where TLC and I have retreated for a long weekend and a bit of a reset. A day trip to Margate (the Essex kid in me still pronounces it ‘Margit’ like Chas And Dave) to convene with some art and that incredible light seems like a good idea. Also seafood. Lots and lots of seafood.

Of course, the short break lands bang in the middle of Nanowrimo, which means, I suspect, some early mornings to crank out the necessary wordage. Next week I seem to have organised social events over four out of the available five days. No, I do not believe in making life easy for myself. Hopefully the sea air will spark up some creativity because I’m going to need every last scrap.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 38

Nanowrimo is go! Authors across the globe watched Halloween slip past in a pumpkin-spice scented fog and readied themselves for the task ahead. Come November 1st, we planted ourselves in front of the keyboard, took a deep breath and howled out the traditional Nanowrimo refrain—‘why am I doing this to myself again?’

Why indeed? Well, as the old saw states, a writer writes. If you don’t have words on a page, you don’t have jack. It’s AICKO time (Arse In Chair, Keyboard Out). However painful and difficult the effort will prove to be, how tough it is to slot writing space into your packed schedule, the result is something you can work on, refine and most importantly show people. A story is one thing spoken out loud. Don’t get me wrong, there’s value in that. But it can transform once it becomes the written word. It gains an extra kind of power.

For me, Nanowrimo is a month filled with surprises. The story takes turns you didn’t see coming. The characters do things you didn’t expect or plan for. Like falling in love, or standing firm instead of running away, or dying at the most inconvenient time for the plot. I live for moments like that, when the story begins to tell itself and you’re just along for the ride.

Apologies in advance for the poor state of the newsletter over the next few weeks, as I plow away in the word-mines, but I’ll try to keep a presence here as usual. Worst case scenario, you might get an extract of the work in progress.

Wherever you are, whenever you are, however you are, welcome to The Nanowrimo Swipe.

Continue reading The Swipe Volume 1 Chapter 37